Reality and thoughts
I had observed two divergent family values when we compare life in India to that of life in the United States. In order to explain how a unique type of culture is deep rooted in our families in India I am giving you below my experience.
I was to return to India on May 14, 2013 from the United States after staying in my daughter's place for some months. The love and affection shown to me by my daughter was keenly observed by my grandson who developed intimacy with me. I can't forget that day of my departure from the USA. My daughter was dull, almost crying but she tried to control it and yet couldn't. She was wiping her eyes and the general public's observance of this was quite obvious. My grandson was crying in a very loud voice when I was standing in the departure lane. He was of the view that either I shouldn't leave him or all should go to India. Had it been in India, some people would have shouted at us to maintain silence or advised us not to create a scene, etc.
I was also feeling embarrassed as I had thought that some one would tell us that we are disturbing them. You may not believe it but the following incident did happen to my surprise.
That is, there in Dallas Airport I witnessed absolute silence from the public and many were telling me that I am blessed to have such wonderful family members. My daughter and son-in-law were waving while I was standing in the lane for a security check. One young lady just said “wonderful family”, another said to me, “Sir, you are really blessed”, the third one said nothing but expression in her face clearly showed sympathy.
I was taken away not that I am loved by my daughter or grandson (we never value someone’s love and affection to the quantum it needs to be felt!), but by the love and affection shown to an unknown person (me, here) by Americans, clearly indicating that something was absent in their respective families. They wished that their families also need such love and affection.
This is so, because Americans just take care of their children in an excellent way until the child reaches 12th standard. There afterwards, the child has to fund his/her own future education (barring few exceptions in rich families). The parent/s in America, in general, is/are usually not bothered to fund his/her/their child's college education due to lack of savings. The parent spends all income for necessities or comforts or luxuries.
Another important matter I wish to stress here is that in general, there is no question of parent/s (even if the parent is either widow or widower and is aged) allowing the child to live with him/her/them after the child attains majority. Also the child would never agree to live with parents after completion of 12th standard. The child in America after 12th Standard finds his/her own way of life. He/She takes up a part time job while continuing his/her studies or leaves studies and takes up a full time job. He/She finds his/her own partner and spends the money for his/her necessities or comforts or luxuries. The tax laws are stringent for family succession.
The concept of a spending economy exists in America.
In comparison, in India, we take care of our children until they get a job. It will not end there, we try to assist our children in all ways including assisting financially, thereby creating some kind of rift with the outsider who has now become an insider (I mean, daughter-in-law or son-in-law). We interfere in children's affairs, like we expect our son to take care of us or we expect our children to live with us, etc.
Likewise, the son, while marrying puts a condition to the girl that his parents will be living with them after marriage (....remember, not vice versa, why?.... it’s 'purusha-pradhaana samaj' (पुरुष प्रधान समाज) meaning male dominated society, here in Asia).
There is one more important issue which I strongly appreciate the american way. The couple is not bothered to know about the past of the partner in case of marriages of a divorcee. Moreover the child born out of earlier marriage is taken proper care until the child's high school studies are over. Such a child normally lives with the new parent (father/mother). We don't see such things here in India, though the cases of divorce are far less. But now that the cases of divorce are increasing, this reformation needs a transformation in India at an early date. Similarly the cases of divorce are on a very high side in western nations and I expect such cases should be seen on the lower side.
My view is that both the American/European way or Indian way needs to be modified. I am against both extremes.
end- ನಡೆದದ್ದು thoughts documented sometime ಇನ್ 2018
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